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April 2010



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Why cant I hate you..

Every time I see you I scream and want to throw punches. But as soon as Im gone I cant stop crying. I feel like Im putting up this wall against you to protect myself. But in some ways I know Im pushing you away. I miss the good times...but they seem so long ago. I want you to grow into a man so I can love you again. I don't want to loose you..ever. But I know right now you're moving on and there's nothing I can do. And instead of falling into your arms, like I so desperately want to, I scream obsceinities and push you away. You want me to grow up, and so do I, but how can I do that when Im still so in love with you. You say you love me, and just aren't in love with me anymore. What did I do? When did you feel the spark sizzle out? Mines had to be re-ignited a few times, but I always end up remembering why I loved you in the first place. Just please dont forget me..please. Please remember Dan's house, remember watching the stars as our heads spun round, remember laughing together as you kissed my stomach, even though I pleaded you not to. Remember Halloween bloody night, and Black Betty. Remember dyeing your goatee and putting on eyeliner, and the way I passed out the in band room even though there were enough amps to bring down walls. Remember tequila night, and our ladybug friend. And the way the rolling chair was pushed against crate and all I could do was laugh, naked, exposed, so in love. Did we have a chemical romance, or did it just become that. Why couldn't I be your drink, your smoke, your high?....I love you Beau, and I miss you more then ever before. I need my stability and my rock....god I miss you...


My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!


So, I have to ask, who is your cousin? lol I didn't even realize anyone read my stuff at all XD. Just curious who you heard about it from :). But thank you VERY much, I've never gotten a compliment on my writing...like...ever :3. So thank you again!! :D